I still very clearly remember the first time someone looked at me in disapproval and said “you can’t hold her too much you’re going to spoil her”.
This was at the same time I was fresh postpartum, barely sure of what time or day it was, running on maybe 2 hours of sleep total, healing from a second degree tear, and going through the biggest physical and mental transition of my life.
I was caring for my human being that I had just carried inside my body for 9 months, the way my instincts were guiding me to.
I breastfed (after many struggles) on demand.
I held my baby 99% of the time.
I kept her close to me day and night.
I felt a deep anxiety when others grabbed her from me.
I soothed her with breastfeeding.
I responded to each and every cry.
and then — all of a sudden — people’s opinions started making me question myself. Why am I being told what I’m doing is wrong when it feels right?
I remember my baby falling asleep and being told I had to put her down, so I laid her down, for a second, then I picked her back up.
no one was around besides me and my baby. so I did what I felt was right. She was most comfy listening to my heartbeat, and I was most comfy soothing her and keeping her close.
I soon realized these separation based opinions that go against our biological instinct as mothers is rooted from a fast-paced society that believes you can teach independence, in order to get the mother and child separated as soon as possible, get the mother working outside the home and the child in daycare — it’s not rooted in health and what’s best for the baby or for the healing mother.
Independence is developed through repeated DEPENDENCE, responsiveness and a safe stable environment. This mean a baby is not biologically capable of “learning independence” through separation or programs such as CIO. they only learn that no one is coming for them. It sets off their stress response, as well as the mothers, leading to physical and psychological stress responses.
So despite the opinions and people who shook their head in disapproval at me, I held my baby closer. I responded to every cry. I breastfed on demand.
I tuned in to HER and not the people around me.
You see, mothers are already struggling enough with the lack of the village. They don’t need someone to come in their house, hold their baby, and tell them they’re suppose to go against every biological instinct that is flooding their body...
Moms need a hot coffee, someone who understands babies natural biological needs, and someone to take off the million other responsibilities they have.
- Love Carlie